I read magazines backwards...does anyone else do that?
Anyway, I got to the Article: Why Are Women So Obsessed With Turning 30? by Emma Rosenblum, and I totally got it. Well, most of it.
See, I've been kind of grouchy/down lately, and I haven't been able to figure out why. I have an awesome husband, awesome family, I'm on summer vacation, yadda, yadda, yadda.
"Post-30 it's hard to be special-I'll just be an adult doing adult-y things and can no longer qualify as a rising star or an up-and-comer."
Oh. Yup, I think that's my problem. I know it sounds super lame. But I get it. I think I felt like there should be more. Or I should be more. I'm pretty good at some things, but I don't really have one thing I'm great at. I can sing, but according to American Idol and The Voice, so can a lot of people. I know enough guitar chords to get by, but I'm no Van Halen. I'm trying my hand at blogging, but I'm pretty mediocre at that as well. I don't really have time for hobbies while I'm working, so I can't find a lot of things to fill my time while on break. I don't want to really like something and then have to give it up for more than 9 months at a time.
And then there's that kid thing. You see, sometimes I think I want kids and other times it couldn't sound any less appealing. WTF? Shouldn't I know by now whether I want kids or not? Part of my problem is that I don't feel
"TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK. What's that sound? It's your biological clock! And for many women, 30 is when it starts feeling real."
Maybe I just can't hear mine? Maybe there's something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just not there yet. Hopefully, if I ever do decide, my eggs are still riding right along with me.
Each time I think of something fun I'd like to do (like all-inclusive vacations, Vegas, etc), the idea of having kids makes me sad, like I wouldn't be able to do the fun things I've envisioned. I know that sounds weird, too.
So, anyway, I think that's the problem. I don't feel like it's enough yet.