Tuesday, July 5, 2011

30? What?

I got my Glamour magazine in the mail today and I was pretty pumped, because I usually don't have the time to sit down and read a magazine. Especially in one sitting. 
I read magazines backwards...does anyone else do that?
Anyway, I got to the Article: Why Are Women So Obsessed With Turning 30? by Emma Rosenblum, and I totally got it.  Well, most of it.
See, I've been kind of grouchy/down lately, and I haven't been able to figure out why.  I have an awesome husband, awesome family, I'm on summer vacation, yadda, yadda, yadda.
"Post-30 it's hard to be special-I'll just be an adult doing adult-y things and can no longer qualify as a rising star or an up-and-comer."
Oh.  Yup, I think that's my problem.  I know it sounds super lame.  But I get it.  I think I felt like there should be more.  Or I should be more.  I'm pretty good at some things, but I don't really have one thing I'm great at.  I can sing, but according to American Idol and The Voice, so can a lot of people.  I know enough guitar chords to get by, but I'm no Van Halen.  I'm trying my hand at blogging, but I'm pretty mediocre at that as well.  I don't really have time for hobbies while I'm working, so I can't find a lot of things to fill my time while on break.  I don't want to really like something and then have to give it up for more than 9 months at a time.
And then there's that kid thing.  You see, sometimes I think I want kids and other times it couldn't sound any less appealing.  WTF?  Shouldn't I know by now whether I want kids or not?  Part of my problem is that I don't feel 30 (ahem) 31, almost 32.  I feel perpetually awkward and 12.
"TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK. What's that sound?  It's your biological clock! And for many women, 30 is when it starts feeling real."
Maybe I just can't hear mine?  Maybe there's something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just not there yet.  Hopefully, if I ever do decide, my eggs are still riding right along with me.
Each time I think of something fun I'd like to do (like all-inclusive vacations, Vegas, etc), the idea of having kids makes me sad, like I wouldn't be able to do the fun things I've envisioned.  I know that sounds weird, too.
So, anyway, I think that's the problem.  I don't feel like it's enough yet.

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