Sunday, May 5, 2013

Taking care of myself

I still haven't figured it out.

I take care of my skin.  I always use lotion, eye rollers, creams.  I wash my face in the morning and before I go to bed.
I use sunscreen daily (on my face, anyway), and on my legs, arms and chest when I run.

But do I really take care of myself on the inside, mentally and physically?
I've been under so much stress lately.  My stomach feels sick all the time. ALL.  I have a little stress ball in my stomach on the regular.  I'm anxious and agitated constantly.  

Stress and colder weather make me want to eat poorly, so I do. I crave junk food.  Typically, I start out in the morning okay...with a yogurt (if I remember to eat or make time to...issue number 1!). 
But it's downhill from there. If I'm at work from around 7:00 AM (typical, or even a bit earlier) and I have to stay later than 5:00 PM (it happens more often than I'd like to admit...and yet, teachers have such bad reps!), I will want to hit up the vending machine.  Usually doritos, cheetos, or cheez-its. So bad.  I need salty snacks!  It's my craving.  If people have a candy jar and I have to walk past it?  Look out.
I only bring a sandwich (turkey on wheat with a slice of reduced fat cheese), an apple or other fruit, and triscuts.  Should I have more with me?  Even if I do, I guess, it's to the vending machine I go.

I gain and lose the same 6 or so pounds every year. I try to lose it in the summer because I hate the way I look, and I do okay until the week of the first show, and then I stop working out and eat everything that's not nailed down (only if it's terribly processed).

The thing is, I know it's bad for me, but I can't seem to stop!

When I get home from work, I'm too tired to work out, so I don't...knowing full well that if I just DID IT, I would feel so much better.  But I don't.
I do run on occasion. I often start out the week well.  I'm the slowest runner you'll ever meet, but I do it.  Today, we didn't run because B has a sinus infection.  I could still (and I may go at least walk on the treadmill).  I'm too afraid to run alone.  I won't have time Tuesday, so I'm sure I'll just throw in the towel for the week.  I want to look good for our vacation coming up, but more importantly, I want to feel good. I want to feel good about myself like I did when I was 110...even 120!  I'd have to lose 6 pounds just to get to 125. (That's the 6 pounds I gain and lose each year).  I know it doesn't even seem like that much weight, but to me, it is.  If I gained 6 pounds each year and didn't lose?  That's so bad for my health.  (Also, this has nothing to do with others. This is just about me.)

I want to feel good about myself.  I REALLY want to be healthy and take care of myself.  But how?  I don't have a fridge close to my classroom, and drinking enough water daily means I'm doing the potty dance halfway through class each class!  On days like Tuesday, when I have a meeting at 7:00 AM, another meeting after school, and then awards night at 7:00 PM (until around 9:00 PM), I can't go home and make dinner and relax and eat well.  I'll be stressed all day. I'll make poor choices.
I'm not trying to make excuses.  People do it all the time. They eat well. They make time for themselves.
I just don't know how or where to start.

1 comment:

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I know how you feel, it makes me wonder how other people do it!